“Live in harmony with one another…” (Rom 12:16a). The greek word used here for harmony is koinonia, it means to have communion with one another; a joint participation. Granted, this verse concerns the church and believers, but applying it to marriage is a good application. Partnership in marriage is more than agreeing, more than living with one another, or being connected to a spouse physically, or even emotionally. Partnership in marriage must be soulical. Partnership is harmony, where two souls mingle as one flesh.
I’ve found out through the years that the more I love God, the more I fall in love with my wife. The more I thank God for placing her in my life, the more I tend to notice that I am one with her. It is my goal to love my wife as Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). When I love my wife like this my soul is in harmony with God and the wife that He gave to me.
Harmony is a good synonym for partnership because it denotes melody. Marriage is a song of two individuals which come together in a magnificent chorus of one. Ironically, when Adam first saw his wife Eve, many scholars believe that this is the first song in the Bible. Adam sings, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” (Gen 2:23). Nowhere more than here can we say that a match was made in heaven. Admit it, when you met your wife and dated her, upon that first goodnight kiss, your soul was singing!
Unfortunately, most modern marriages are based upon being an individual and each person contributing to the relationship, to make it work. Partnership is about experiencing life together: intimacy, finances, health, work, worship, laughter, children, sorrows, joys, and friends. Partnership means that I have no hidden secrets from my wife—my wife and I live harmoniously as one. Whatever I have is hers and whatever she has is mine. Granted, there are some things that are my wife’s that she can have 100%, I have no desire to possess; for example, her panties—that would be sort of weird. But what about my cell phone, my laptop, and my social media accounts? If I am in harmony, a melodious intermingling with my other half then if my wife opens any of my gadgets, she should have no surprises, right?
Partnership means that all that I have is hers. I don’t have my money, my car, my phone, my computer, or even my job—all of these things I may have control over because I am expected to live my life with integrity and transparency, as well as responsibility. However, each of these things that I control, I do so with the hopes that they are building up the two of us, as one. My job helps us pay for things that we enjoy and to survive. My phone keeps us connected. My car is transportation for both of us. And my money is not mine, but ours. Partnership must be viewed as soulical, and without the souls mingling, there are only two individuals living for self.
• Are you hiding any secrets? Is your spouse allowed to look at all of your social media accounts? Do they know your passwords? Can they pick up your phone and look through it, or your computer? What would they think if they did? What does God think, since He can see everything?
• God is the unifier of your marriage; He’s the glue. God is glorified by your faithful and strong relationship. How many times do you thank the Lord for giving you the wife you have? If need be, ask Him to help you love your wife as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25).
• “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (Pro 18:22).
Matthew Fretwell is married, has three daughters, loves Jesus, being a dad, people, and coffee. Besides being an author (Denied Desires; Identity Theft, Sanctificagious, 30:1 Manhood), he’s Pastor of a comeback, church planting church (Oak Hall Baptist) in Sandston, Virginia, and is the founder of Job 31 Ministries. Matt’s an advocate board member of Living Bread Ministries, a global comprehensive Church Planting organization. He also writes for Church Planter Magazine.
This article is part of the new, soon to be published, 30:1 Marriage Overcoming The Odds series.